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REFORMING MARRIAGE - THE HUSBAND Daniel Patz, Lead Pastor Grace Church, Sunday Worship Ephesians 5:22-33 February 28th, 2010
[22]Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23]For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24]Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. [25]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29]For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30]because we are members of his body. [31]"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." [32]This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33]However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV) When Gary Ricucci, author of Love That Last, was a young unmarried man he went to a conference where they spoke on marriage and specifically men. He remembered these opening words by the speaker: “When you hear how much God expects of you as a husband, you’re gonna want to quit.” Although he meant to be humorous, he was also dead serious. Men, husbands, future husbands – this sermon is addressed to you as I desire to help you see the biblical instruction and calling of a husband. We must look to the Scripture, because our culture will not help us – only turn us away from biblical obedience. Unmarried women – don’t date, court, get close to a man in a realtionship who isn’t going to look to God’s Word (including what I say today). Wives…pray…have mercy…follow Jesus and your husband…next week. Two main points from this text for husbands: 1) Who the Husband is – “For the husband is the head of the wife” 2) What the Husband is to do – “Husbands, love your wives…as” Who they are? How they are to do it! 1. WHO THE HUSBAND IS – Husbands are the Heads of their wives “for the husband is the head of the wife…” (23)
Yes, it says it and no Paul is not a women-hating sexist. No matter what you think or like, this is God’s word – it is good and I want to help you believe and LOVE it.
Psalm 119:127 - “Therefore I love your commandments above gold, above fine gold.”
What does this phrase mean? FOR THE HUSBAND IS THE HEAD OF THE WIFE…
Let’s look at each word:
A. “FOR the husband is the head of the wife”
What is the word “for” here fore? Look at verse 22 – “wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord”
For the husband is the head of the wife…
This headship, whatever it means, has to mean that authority is involved and that it is delegated authority – “as to the Lord.”
The authority of the husband’s headship requires submission based not on some thing intrinsic in the husband or earned in the man but based on God giving the husband authority.
Now, if husbands respond to these verses with a YES!, or “I told-you so—ah hah” sort of pride, you better be scared. When God gives a responsibility or delegates a power – it is really hard and He will most surely hold you accountable.
We must be over-whelmed with the gravity of the fact that our wives are to submit to us , knowing that this submission is not absolute. They submit as to the Lord.
B. “For THE HUSBAND is the head of the wife”
Here we have the subject.
The husband – not just any man or all men. The husband is to be submitted to because he is her head. Wives are not commanded to submit to all men only her husband.
What does husband mean? We get it from the word husbandry?
“the careful management of resources” “stewardship”
We are given a stewardship!
A gardener of a rich estate owner is given a stewardship to tend his garden. Husbands are called to a responsibility to carefully tend the garden.
Neglect results in a lot of weeds.
The man is the husband and that means that he belongs. He must know that he is not a living, walking, and breathing imposition on the home – he must act that way – and be respectable.
The Husband needs to be in the home, not neglect the home, nor harshly dictate the home.
Too many husbands in our day are husbandman who shirk their responsibility – because of this every thing is effected.
C. “For the husband IS the head of the wife…”
Here we have a statement of fact. An INDICATIVE. A predicate!
The husband IS the head. It doesn’t say that he should try to be the head and be a good head…he is the head.
Indicative. Statement of fact.
The apple is a fruit, a women is female, dirt is dirty, a pope is catholic and a husband is the head of his wife.
This is God’s doing and it is what makes a marriage (for more see 1 Cor 11:3ff).
As Douglas Wilson puts it, the man has an INESCAPABLE HEADSHIP.
As we look at the next point we will see some of the deep implications of this.
Just as Christ IS the head of the Church…so husbands are the heads of their wives.
This is true in Christian homes and in atheistic homes…
D. “For the husband is THE HEAD of the wife”
What does this mean?
He is the leader, he has authority and with it responsibility. He is called to lead, provide and protect his family in all areas as to the Lord.
But this doesn’t mean that we have two individuals with one who leads. It means that they are one body with the husband as the head – based on their covenant union.
We need to repent of our individualistic ways in our culture. It only hurts us.
RESPONSIBILITY is a crucial word here.
In marriage the husband is responsible for the marriage. He is responsible before God for everything.
This means he is responsible for his wife and her sin, although he may not be guilty. This also doesn’t mean she is responsible as an individual before God.
This is hard for us to get in our culture.
We need to look at Jesus to better get this.
Jesus has become our head. In becoming our head he assumed responsibility for us – responsibility for our sins – although he was not guilty he took our sins upon us.
As responsible husbands we must never play the blame game (nor should the woman play the blame game – she must also repent and take responsibility for her sins).
The husband can never truly say – “well, that’s your problem, now what are you going to do.”
As the head he is always responsible. The husband always dominates the marriage – this is what this headship means.
Either he will dominate it with his harshness, absence-abdication – or with his Christ-like love and obedience.
The husband is given a task and he is called to do that task by God’s gracious gift – His helper – His wife. He is responsible for her – and that makes the garden of Eden’s situation make sense. Eve first sinned, but God held Adam responsible (see Genesis 2-3).
SIDE NOTE:
Husbands, your wives are called to follow us and we must not abuse it. We must tell our wives that if we are not obeying the Word, our wives have our permission to appeal to godly authority in the church with honor, humility and for the good of their husband’s soul.
E. “For the husband is the head OF THE WIFE.”
The husband is the head of the wife, not all women. Women…you are called under your husbands not all men…This is a protection for you.
Before we move on – the only way we can do this, husbands, is to know what we have a HEAD. Jesus. He is the head of the Church. We have received grace. We rejoice and look to the Gospel for help. 2. WHAT THE HUSBAND IS TO DO– Husbands, love your wives… Sin is the only reason why Headship is such a problem. Feminism would not have its way or even exist in our culture – its in our Christian culture just as well – if husbands would actually love their wives in the way they are called.
This is not the same as being Nice.
Truly loving husbands usually have very happy wives who love their husband’s headship. They see it as a garment of warm and caring protection.
In the first point we see the Role of the husband based on God’s created plan. Here we see the way in which the husband is to fulfill his role – here the husband are called to lead their wives in love.
What is love?
Love is earnestly desiring and seeking what’s best for the object loved. To love is to pursue your wife’s best. What is her best? God.
This passages shows us to ways in which we are to love. This helps us see that we are to follow a model of love – Jesus.
A. Love As Christ Loved the Church (25)
We are thrust into a call to be like Jesus in our husbandry. Our leading is not for our own ego, kingdom, comfort or agenda – we are called to love with radical love as Jesus did for God’s glory and the good of His people.
What is this radical love?
1) We are to lay down our lives for their good.
We have this responsibility. As we take responsibility we die to self for our wives. Jesus came and died and we are called to do the same. We are to come and give ourselves to our wives – for their good. Our loving motivation must be to make our wives holy and eternally happy.
This means we must be holy. We are to follow Jesus who: § Gave himself to sanctify her § Having cleansed her with washing of the water § With the goal to present her to himself with beauty
Husbands, we are called to efficacious love. Love that makes beautiful. This takes God’s grace and this requires that we die to self and live to Jesus.
We are called to love our wives, not primarily because they are beautiful but in order to make them beautiful. This beauty is first an inward beauty and leads to an outward beauty.
Ten years into your marriage your wife should shine with greater radiance then when you married her.
2) We must wash her in the Word…
Men we must be godly men if we are going to be loving husbands. We cannot give what we do not have. We need to give Christ and we cannot give it if we don’t have Him.
Our souls must be in shape.
We must pray with our wives and for our wives. We must bathe ourselves in the Word of God and bring it into our marriages.
We must love our wives as Christ loves and gave Himself and who is committed to our beauty.
But we have a second example or help to understanding our love.
B. Love Her As Your Own Body (28)
We are to love our wives as our own bodies. – THIS SHOWS US HOW
We are to love our wives because she is our own body – THIS SHOWS US WHY
1) As Your Own Body
We pamper ourselves whether we admit it or not. Paul says that we all love ourselves in some important ways and in this we learn how we are to love our wives.
We clothe, feed, pamper, wash, and promote ourselves. So, must we with our wives.
We are to Nourish and Cherish – Feed, care and make warm.
How? § Listening § Meeting Needs § Love language § Pursuing her comfort § Encouraging words § Romance § Courtesy
2) Because She is Our Body
“He who loves his wife, loves himself”
Jesus wants us to know that the marriage relationship is like him and the church the church is His body and the wife is the husband’s body.
When the husband abuses or neglects his wife, he is the loser. He is doing it to himself.
We are so individualistic that we miss this. We are one flesh. PRACTICAL APPLICATION FOR MEN: 1. Desperate Dependence is Crucial Only by God’s grace. Aslan: “Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the kingship of Narnia?” “I- I don’t think so, sir” said Caspian. “I am only a kid.” “Good”, said Aslan. “If you had felt yourself sufficient. It would have been proof that you are not…” 2. Relationship with God Are you real. Prayer 3. Take Responsibility You need to start manning up! Take responsibility of: - spending - Calendar, time - commitments - spiritual life of family - children education and discipline - church involvement - sexual puruity 4. Listen…talk…Listen… Listen to her prayerfully and carefully.
Listen to serve and help her. Know that her problems are your
problems. Protect her. 6. Don’t Do this Alone
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