REFORMING MARRIAGE - THE WIFE

Daniel Patz, Lead Pastor

Grace Church, Sunday Worship

Ephesians 5:22-33

March 7th, 2010

   [22]Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23]For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24]Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

   [25]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29]For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30]because we are members of his body. [31]"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." [32]This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33]However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)

This passage gives wives two imperatives. This is your job description.

Wives, submit to your own husbands… (22)

Let the wife see that she respects her husband (33)

SUBMISSION:

“An affectionate yielding to the authority over you.”

A surrender your rights and self-autonomy to the authority of someone else in a joyful way.

Illustrate:

This text gives us four qualifiers concerning the wife’s submission:

1. Who do the wives submit to?  “Wives, submit to your own husbands…”

This is protection. She is accountable to him. This is a blessing.

Not to other men, brothers, father, or pastor (pastor in a different way).

2. How do they submit? “As to the Lord” (as they would to the Lord, himself)

This is the heart of Christian submission. Submission is worship.

Only the truly spirit-filled disciple of Jesus can practice true submission – for they continually and joyfully yield to the leadership of Christ. As an extension they yield to the headship of their husband.

1 Peter 3:1-6  Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,  (2)  when they see your respectful and pure conduct.  (3)  Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--  (4)  but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  (5) For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,  (6)  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Titus 2:3-5  Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,  (4)  and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  (5)  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

3. Why should they submit? “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…”      Because the husband is her God-given authority. It is a delegated authority!

The husband is given an authority by God.

1 Corinthians 11:3-12  But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.  (4)  Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head,  (5)  but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven.  (6)  For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head.  (7)  For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.  (8)  For man was not made from woman, but woman from man.  (9)  Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.  (10)  That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.  (11)  Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman;  (12)  for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.

This is an authority that will give and account:

Hebrews 13:17  Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

4. When should they submit? “In everything…”

Submission is yielding to your authority even when you don’t like it.

It doesn’t mean rolling over or using your intelligence…but it does mean submission in everything.

Acts 5:27-29  And when they had brought them, they set them before the council. And the high priest questioned them,  (28)  saying, "We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man's blood upon us."  (29)  But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than men.

RESPECT

What is respect? It is an action and attitude. We need to submit with respect and we need to respect actively even when we are in a place where submission is not asked of us.

“Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Work hard on respecting:
This is what you are called to whether he is respectable or not (sometimes it won't feel like it - though you know he is).
Even when you don't think he is acting respectable (all husbands are sinners) as Doug Wilson says - "you are called to salute the uniform" - for the Lord's sake!

- Respect him by how you talk - how you talk to him, how you talk about him...don't EVER talk about him negatively unless it is to someone who can truly help you or him (pastor, counselor, etc).
- Respect is often focused on affirming and delighting in the person's character, qualities, gifts and abilities - let him know how you appreciate his wisdom...knowledge...hard work, perseverance...help with the kids...etc.
- Go to him for advice and not others first for most things (not talking about cooking, nursing. etc) - doctrine, problem with friends, family, kids...
- Admire his fathering of the children - acknowledge his strengths
- Do what he says! If he has asked you to do something do it. Look to see if there are things in your life that he has asked you to do or not to do but you are not doing it or not doing it - repent and start doing it...talk to him if necessary.
- Remember that he is who God has made him and that is good. Don't desire for him to be someone he is not. This is rebellion to God's way. This doesn't mean you don't want him to grow, but don't expect him to be _____.

- Affirm and respect him as a lover.
- Wives that actual RESPECT their husbands in action solve most of their problems in the home. Not all, but most. It is amazing what it has on the husband.
- Ask him how you can respect and honor him more. Be willing to here an honest answer without being offended or hurt. Ask where you need to submit. Be willing to listen.
- Don't hold a grudge with him. If he has hurt you...loving tell him. "This hurt when you said/did this...Maybe I have misunderstood. How should I have taken it?" (without any sarcasm).
- Don't assume that he knows all your "needs." Tell him. "I would just like to talk...do you have a few minutes." "Will you help me with the kitchen?" Many wives get upset bc their husbands don't anticipate their needs. They want their husbands to be a women in a man's body.

 5) Remember that being a wife is a rigorous job. If you are exhausted every day...you probably are doing what is right. Proverbs 31 women are hard workers. Don't trust your emotions late at night. Don't listen to self-condemnation when your really tired. Don't compare yourself to other women...this is idolatrous. The sideways glance is usually unhelpful and breads discontentment.

 6) If there are sins or grievances that you have committed towards him - go to him and repent. Full out confession.. I have been doing this... I do this.. I said this... I was wrong... I am grieved over it...Will you forgive me. If it is hard and humbling you are on the right track. God gives grace to the humble. And we surely need grace. Don't apologize with the expectation that he returns it with his own set of confessions. If he doesn't - it may be good for your soul to be humbled!

 7) If he is sinning or is offending you in a way that cannot be overlooked for the sake of your soul, your kids or your husbands - humbly, prayerful, and trustingly (in God) talk to him. Admit your limited perspective and sinfulness. But love seeks one's best. Going to him may be for his best.

8) Know that your ministry to your husband and kids is the most important calling in your life right now.  Make sure you are into your husband (Titus 2:4). Love him. Make him priority. You are His Helper. Don't let other things get in the way. Say NO to things in your life for Him- even good things.

9) Remember that he is one flesh with you. As you love him, you are loving your own self...(Eph 5:28)